I’m struggling in this place right now of fighting against the worries and fears of what other people think of me. It’s one of those constant, life-long struggles for many of us, especially when we tend to be people-pleasers. It’s such a battle, each and every day to not compare myself and my life and my successes and failures against other people and their own lives, successes, and failures.
My dad tells this funny story from his childhood of his very pious grandmother who, when scolding the grandchildren, would say in a very solemn voice, “It doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what GOD thinks.” We all laugh when he imitates her serious, grandmotherly tone, but then I always get squirmy thinking about the intention of her message. To me it sounds like she was laying the guilt trip on pretty thick in order to scare the grandkids into behaving. While she was right that we should be more concerned about the Lord than we should be about the opinions of other people, it seems her reasoning for that was misplaced. God is a God of forgiveness and grace. He is not a God of guilt trips and shame.
When I find myself getting stuck in a rut of comparing myself to others, it’s usually because I’ve spent too much time looking at other artists’ photographs, reading other creatives’ blogs, or scrolling through Instagram drooling over other people’s lives. I begin to wonder why my photos don’t look like theirs, why my life doesn’t sound as creative and read as eloquently as someone else’s, why my Instagram feed isn’t filled with as many fun and beautiful photos as the ones I’m scrolling past. And then I stop. And I wonder what someone would think of my life, looking from the outside. What would they see and what would they think?
They would see beautiful wedding photos and films on our blog. (They wouldn’t see the hours of preparation that went into each wedding. They wouldn’t see the literal blood, sweat, and tears that go into capturing some wedding days. They wouldn’t see the days of editing through each wedding as Tim and I choose our favorite images or film clips, spend hours pouring over music to find the perfect songs for each couple, or edit through a thousand photographs making skin tones and white balance just perfect till our eyes are ready to fall out.)
They would see my Instagram feed filled with photos of our garden, our puppies, and our travels. (They wouldn’t see the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, the bathroom that needs scrubbing from top to bottom, the piles of boxes we’ve yet to unpack. They wouldn’t hear the conversations Tim and I have – the struggles and the worries about money, our days of discouragement over feeling like we’re not getting where we want to go, the days when we fear the future rather than rejoice at its possibilities. They wouldn’t see our constant struggle to balance Tim’s full-time job, the classes he has to take in order to keep his full-time job, our business and keeping our clients happy, our marriage and making sure it’s healthy, our commitments to our church, and our relationships with our friends amongst other things.)
It all feels like so much. And it’s easy to see snippets of other people’s lives and think they have it all together.
This war against comparison is constant. It’s a constant mental battle to ignore the outside influences that say you’re not good enough, brave enough, successful enough, beautiful enough. I think we too often put up a false front of confidence, pretend we have it all together, while inside we’re sad and worn out from trying so hard on the outside. I think if we were more honest with ourselves and with those around us, if we could be more vulnerable and quit faking it, then we might just find a richer community of support and honesty than we thought possible.
Allow yourself a little grace today. Stop the comparison. Let go of the feelings of shame and the thoughts that you’re not enough. I’ll struggle right alongside you today.
I was craving a creamy cilantro lime dressing when I came up with this recipe – I looked at several recipes to get the ratios right and combined a few of them to make my own. Enjoy this dressing over salad (it’s delicious with spinach), with a taco salad, or over rice or quinoa. Come back soon – I’ll be sharing a colorful quinoa recipe that uses this dressing!
Cilantro Lime Dressing
Ingredients
- 1 c loosely packed cilantro leaves only
- 1/2 c plain Greek yogurt
- Juice of 1 lime
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- 1/2 jalapeño diced (remove seeds for mild, add a few in for a spicier dressing)
- 1.5 tsp white wine vinegar
- 1/4 tsp cumin
- 1 tsp honey optional for sweeter dressing
- 1/8 tsp salt
- 1/4 c olive oil
Instructions
- Add all ingredients to a blender except olive oil. Cover and blend until combined.
- While blender is off, add a little olive oil, cover the blender with the lid, blend to combine. Pause the blender, add a little more olive oil, and continue until all the oil is well blended into the dressing. Some recipes recommend you pour the olive oil in while the blender is running, but mine is too powerful that I would have ended up with dressing on the ceiling. I recommend being safe and stopping your blender between each addition.
- Serve over spinach, with a taco salad, over rice or quinoa. Or just eat it straight out of the jar. I won't mind.